Title: Rail Wars! (Rail Wars! Nihon Kokuyu- Tetsudo- Koantai, Rail Wars! Japanese National Railways Security Force)
Format: TV anime
Genre: action, alt universe, harem
Series Creator: Takumi Toyoda, Vania 600
Series Director: Yoshifumi Matsuda
Series length: 12 episodes
Original Airing dates: July 3 – September 18, 2014
Reviewed format: high def with fan subs
“The series takes place in an alternate version of Japan where the nationalized railway system was never privatized. Naoto Takayama is an ordinary high school student who aspires to a comfortable life working at Japanese National Railways. He ends up working as a security force trainee, where he unwillingly has to deal with his strange colleagues and all the mayhem that they cause.”
Once again, off the bat, this series is for people who are obsessed with one or both of two things: trains & large bouncing breasts.
They can’t be escape in the series.
Always taking up the centre of the screen whenever they are show.
The only difference is that there are longer, more porno graphic linger shots of the trains.
That is not to say that breasts are also the entire central focus of series. It also shows arses, legs & hips every chance they get. Putting women in awkward, insipid, impossible poses -yet doesn’t go for any panty shots for some reason. Like after showing so much strange jiggle physics suddenly panty shots are beneath them.
The whole excessive boobage/female body thing aside, Rail Wars! truly fetishises trains. With characters pouring out extensive details of their models, uses, origins, running dates & tones of other surplus information. It’s basically stuff that only s true train otaku could get &/or appreciate. I lived with a guy who really liked machines, engines & vehicles, so I learnt a bit about railways & trains from him but even the level of info that Rail Wars! pours out would be too much for someone of his incredible understanding of machines. More so that they are all Japanese trains & engines, going into the minute details of running -often making them vital plot points or easily seen twists. The creator obviously loves trains, as does the producer(s) & director of the anime.
Yet the series isn’t about anthropomorphic trains, like Thomas the Tank Engine with tits (although that may be an awesomely fucked up so to make!), there has to be actual human characters involved. & that is where my biggest gripe begins; this also being a harem series & all.
The thing to be said is: SATAN SAVE US FROM FECKLESS, IGNORANT, NICE GUY PROTAGONISTS!
They are so criminally the staple of harem (& most male centric) anime these days. I’ve already bitched & moaned about it in my Strike The Blood & Dragonar reviews but this time I’ll go a step further.
It is the Nice Guy Gets All The Poon Because He Is a Nice Guy trope that is pretty much creating generation of self entitled fucktards who think that they if pretend to be nice & do all the right things, women will sleep with them. It’s series such as this that has a hand in fuelling their pathetic delusions, causing them to turn into whinging little maggots online & then go attack anything with a vagina online to reinforce their fragile dissonant belief that the universe owes them sex due to some force, affected behaviour. Anyone who does this is scum! Anyone who uses it as an excuse to attack, threaten & belittle women -online or in real life- are worse then scum. & THEY’RE FUCKING TRILBYS YOU’RE WEARING NOT FEDORAS! LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE!!!
Am OK. . . Am OK. . .
I’ll write more about that at a later date, so will continue on with the review now.
The feckless wonder at the centre of this story is Takayama Naoto, who has no less than 5 women eventually competing for his affection. With a possible 6th but she shows a more big sister approach to him & a lesbian-like relationship with the head of Railway Security.
The first 2 are his co-workers in 4th Guard Squad. Both polar opposites of each other & what they want from Takayama.
The first is the calm, quiet, highly intelligent Komi Haruka, who has supposedly carried a crush on Takayama since a chance meeting in childhood. She’s physically in the weakest on the team but makes it up for her exceptional knowledge of the technical aspects & designs of trains -especially the safety features of little known or older models. She also has the largest breasts of the main female casts, which seem to bounce free from gravity’s constrants.
Her eventual rival is the amazonic tsundere Sakurai Aoi. Her violent, impatient & overbearing nature often gets Takayama into trouble. She constantly berates him for not being a better guard because he wants to be a train driver but it is his unwavering nature to protect the passengers that eventually makes her turn her affections towards our inept hero.
The other 3 include: a tsundere idol, Nao, who comes to love Takayama because he risks his life to protect her from a crazed fan; school friend & fellow train otaku Mari, who loves Takayama because of his passion for trains & his general niceness; & a female crossdresser whose name I forget right now, who falls in love with Takayama because of a mixture of why the other two aforementioned girls love him.
Naturally, Takayama is totally oblivious to how all these ladies feel about him, despite them being very very veeeeeeeeeeeeery obvious & open about it at times (especially Haruka, who’s always shoving her tits in is face). Of course, Takayama is always awkward & embarrassed whenever he is left alone with any of these ladies for more than a few minutes; blushing red like a baboon’s arse.
There is also a 4th member of the 4th Guard Squad: Iwaizumi Sho & he is, to put it lightly, a fucking idiot.
He’s also pretty much a non-entity during the majority of the series. He tends to stay in the background, say something stupid that’s related to food or being macho & then go off to eat or do something man related -or something macho that involves food. He only really plays part of the plots towards the end of the series, where he helps run a small proto-train with the rest of the team but nothing much beyond that.
The series as a whole doesn’t go much on character or plot development. The basic plots revolve around some criminal activity around the trains & in areas easily reached by trains. It reeked a bit too much of the old Simpsons gag Knightboat (can’t find a video for it unfortunately). Yet it is logically, because a lot of it are terrorist or ransom demanded related to the rail system, which in this alt world was never privatised & stripped down. Making it carry an old sense of nostalgia for the railway & the type of crime that should go along with it. The only thing they didn’t have was a damsel tied to the rails but they did the rope would lift up her tits & she’d spout facts about the train that’s about to hit her.
As harsh as I’ve been in this critique, I honestly found it hard to hate this series -although that might’ve been the hypnotic nature of the jiggling breasts. Aside from the usual fan service sexualisation, there wasn’t anything really terrible about it all. It entertained well enough, didn’t drag along or make me want to throw something at the TV (too much, aside from the feckless wonder Takayama). It’s not the best series but it’s far from terrible. The animation, especially the trains, is exceptionally well done. The action scenes are all brilliantly rendered, with lots of nice details that come from the blending of traditional & CGI animation without any obvious clumsy seams separating the two. There are the aforementioned annoyances with characters & plot but nothing terrible or offensive (or terribly offensive). There are some logic issues but it all breezes by at a good enough pace that you don’t really linger on them too much, nor do they jar or break the flow of the episodes.
If you like trains, you’ll love this. If you like tits, you’ll enjoy. If you love both, you’ll be in One Hand Heaven.